Sunday, November 1, 2009

Happy Halloween

I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Halloween and a Happy November! I love the start of each new month. I always have so much hope that the upcoming month will be better than the last. I had to file for divorce this month. It was absolutely the worst day of my life. There have been so many times this year that I have thought "this has to be the worst day of my life," but I don't think any of it it prepared me for this. It's hard not to let a piece of paper determine your self-worth. Every signature felt like an admission of defeat and of failure. Not to mention the gut-wrenching sight of your daughter's life, and how she will be spending it, written down like it's some trivial thing, knowing that she will be the one suffering the most from her parents decisions. I know I can't focus on the events and choices that led me to this position. I know that I gave it my all and I have to accept the things I cannot change. I know that I just have to move forward and focus on the life that is before me and Olive. I am excited for November, because I know this month I wont have to experience that again.

October was not a total loss, it was Halloween after all. Olive and I got to do a lot of Trunk-or-Treating. We got to go to Oroville's and Gridley's and Olive definitely walked away with a lot of candy. She got so much she actually quit half way through to sit in the car and hang out with Poo-Zip.

Olive and Auntie Claira

Olive did so well this year. She loved it and wasn't shy at all. She said "Trick-or-Treat!" as well as "Thank you, have a Happy Halloween!"

Olive and her Uncle Scotty who took her under his wing and broke her in to the whole Tick-or Treating scene.

Kycle hooked Olive up with a more than average amount of candy.

Olive took a break to share some candy with me, that's right, she actually shared!

5 comments:

  1. Sometimes I don't know what to comment because your posts are so sad. I guess the only thing to say is that we are sad about it all with you. No one wants to experience what you are going through. It just sucks. We love you though. And we love Olive. And who knows. maybe this will all benefit her in the end. She looks cute though.

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  2. She was such a doll last night, I think its funny that the girls turned saying "mine" into a game! Hilarious! Well, I have a feeling the worst of it is over and hopefully things just get better from here on out! I went out a little early in Sunday school cause I think I'm getting a little sick but I saw you sitting and noticed some tears, obviously tears happen for a variety of reason but just know that you are wonderful and I hope you know that we all admire you for your strength and determination to provide a wonderful life for your daughter, you're doing the best you can! Oh, and Olive is Gorgeous!!!

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  3. This is sort of a sad/happy post because as sad as it was to file for divorce, you are finally going forward. You have so much happiness in store for you in your future if you can just let go of the sadness in your past. I just look forward to the day when you are re-married to a worthy priesthood holder and have a "real" marriage full of love and respect for each other and start making babies again...and you will just look back on all of this as a huge learning experience from which you got the greatest gift of all...Olive.

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  4. HEY KAYLEE, I THOUGHT OF YOU THIS MONTH, HALLOWEEN BEING YOUR FAVORITE HOLIDAY AND ALL! ANYWAYS, HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU.
    AMANDA
    amandalouderback@aol.com

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